Asuza and the Missing Feet
by 1292 Negative Calculate
Summary: Crackfic inspired by the K-ON! deserted island special.  Ritsu tries to ask Asuza a funny question; her response may surprise some... Rated T for safety.  Beware of randomness.


**Asuza and the Mysterious Feet**

By: Danny Pic

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Hello there. Ok, before you go off wondering what the heck I'm doing, I'm not – I repeat, NOT! – re-typing the little scene from the K-ON! special episodes, ok?

Ok, this is an idea I got while I was watching the little K-ON! special episodes. I saw the one about when they were lost on the island, and when Ritsu asked Asuza about the feet. And when I saw that scene, this little idea popped into my head.

I don't own K-ON!, or any of their feet. Enjoy.

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Asuza laid out on the grassy island, gazing out at the stars. She was wondering how she and her friends in the Light Music Club got stranded out on this lonely island in the first place, but even more so if they would ever make it back home. "So, I guess tonight I'm a homeless person." she thought to herself. She wondered if this was how many of the homeless felt – that they may remain stranded, so to speak.

While she was staring out into the night sky, she heard heavy breathing and footsteps coming towards her. She heard Ritsu's frantic voice say, "Asuza! Come here for a second!" She was snapped out of her thoughts, and quickly turned. As she did so, she saw three pairs of legs sticking up in the air. She immediately presumed that they were the other three's legs, and that this was a strange prank or quiz that Ritsu was trying to pull on her. Her thoughts were confirmed, as Ritsu's eyes gleamed with cunning. Ritsu held up a microphone, pointed out to the other girls, and asked the dark-haired guitarist, "Well, which legs do you think are Yui's?"

Asuza stared blankly at the three girls' feet. Then she lifted her arm up, and pointed at a pair. The other three sat up, and were amazed to find Asuza pointing at none of them…but at Ritsu's legs.

Ritsu sweat-dropped and said, "Uh, Asu-chan? You're supposed to find _Yui's_ legs, not mine."

"I know," Asuza replied calmly, earning confused glances from her companions.

Ritsu was confused. "Then why are you pointing at my feet?" she asked.

"Because," Asuza replied dramatically, "_your_ feet are, in fact, _Yui-sempai's feet_!"

Everyone gasped in shock. Yui was frantically glancing between her feet and Ritsu's, while Ritsu was surprised and a bit confused.

She then got her senses together, and asked, "Asuza, be serious!"

"I am being serious!" replied the pig-tailed girl. "**FEET-STEALER!**"

"I am not a foot-stealer! These really are my feet!" Ritsu replied, getting frustrated at this response.

Yui spoke up. "Azu-nyan, if Ritsu stole my feet, then where are her feet? She only has two…"

Asuza turned towards Yui, a look of wisdom and understanding on her face. "That is because she _swapped_ her feet with another's!" she replied.

"NO I DIDN'T, ASUZA!" Ritsu yelled, now annoyed. "So I have Ritsu's feet?" Yui asked, innocently but surprised.

Asuza shook her head, ignoring the yelling drummer. She pointed at the other dark-haired girl among them, and declared, "In fact, Ritsu put her feet on _Mio-sempai_!" Again, this earned gasps from everyone.

Mio was blushing furiously from embarrassment. "N-No way!" she yelled out of surprise and uncertainty. "I can't have Ritsu's feet! These are my feet; I remember having them long before!"

"That is because Ritsu swapped them while you were all asleep!" Asuza continued in her conclusions. Ritsu was blushing deeply – not from fear, but from embarrassment and anger. "Ritsu swapped Yui's, Mio's, and even Mugi's feet with her own!"

Everyone was panicked, trying to figure out the insane logic coming from their youngest member's mouth. "**SHUT UP, ASUZA**!" Ritsu yelled, annoyed. "You're not making any sense! Why would I swap my feet with someone else's, _as if I even_ _could_?"

Asuza turned, and accusingly pointed at Ritsu with a sly look in her eye. "Perhaps you wanted to get rid of your own chubby legs! And so you stole Yui's feet, and swapped everyone else's to hide the evidence!"

Everyone was now staring at Ritsu, who was now deep red and furious. Yui, being the spacey, air-head she is, observed loudly, "Wow, Ricchan, you're all red! You're like a steamed tomato, only with differently-colored hair…" Ritsu turned away, in a feeble attempt to hide her blush from the others.

Mio looked to Asuza, who was standing triumphantly. "Well, then who's feet does Yui have?"

Asuza pointed to Mugi. "Mugi has Ritsu's feet, so Yui has Mugi-chan's princess feet!"

Yui jumped up and down with glee. "YAY! I have princess feet! _I HAVE PRINCESS FEET!_" She then proceeded to skip merrily about in circles around the others. Mugi was looking at her own feet, trying to see if they were really as chubby as Asuza claimed.

"That's enough!" Mio said, holding up her hands motioning to stop. "Asuza, how do you know this? I mean, come on! There's no way anyone can just detach any human body part without seriously hurting the person in the process. How could Ritsu just magically swap our legs and feet?"

"**YEAH!**" Ritsu added, eager to re-assert her place as club president. "**PROVE IT, Asu-chan!**"

Asuza casually strode over to Mio, and grabbed her shoulders, making Mio yelp. Asuza turned Mio around showing her left leg, and pointed at her thigh. "If I'm wrong," Asuza said, "then explain how _this_ got here!"

Mio and Ritsu looked, to see a little tattoo of a pair of drums. Mio grew very pale at this; after staring in bewilderment at it for almost twelve seconds straight, she leapt away from the now-even-more-red Ritsu, and pointed at her, screaming "**FEET-STEALER! FEET-STEALER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!**"

Ritsu was scared now. Mugi and Yui noticed, and grabbed two big sticks, and held them above their heads. "_**ATTAAAACK!**_" they yelled, running at the drummer. Ritsu screamed, and ran away.

Asuza smiled to herself. "Well done, Asuza." She said to herself, clapping her hands nonchalantly. "_Well done._"  
She then laid back down and continued staring out into the stars, Ritsu's screams of terror and fear cascading around the island…

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So, how'd I do? I know, there's some OOC-ness here, but give me a break! It's my first time writing K-ON! fanfiction! T^T


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